


Galaxy's Last Hope

by StrangeThenFiction



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Both of them are virgins you know it's true, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Smut, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Heavy Petting, Honestly I'm just a horny nerd?, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Let's just say they're both verse, Making Out, Masturbation, Naked Kylo Ren, Reylo - Freeform, Reylo Scum, Shameless Smut, Smut, Who's top and who's bottom here?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2020-03-09 13:22:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18917875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrangeThenFiction/pseuds/StrangeThenFiction
Summary: “I wasn’t pretending to be innocent,” he said, doing that thing again where he leaned down and said it softly into her ear, which drove her crazy, sending electric butterflies swarming across her entire body until she shivered. She retreated a hasty step backwards. Murderer. Sith. Dangerous, she reminded herself. Clearly, she couldn’t trust her body to follow logic when she was so close to Kylo Ren.





	1. I Feel It Too

He watched her closely as she slept in her cell, conflicting emotions raging through the core of his being. Rey had come to him. She’d actually come. Not in a million years had Kylo expected her to cross the galaxy and fall into his clutches so willingly. She foolishly thought that he had enough light in him to seduce him to her side. He’d been able to see it inside her when her escape pod had hissed open. Those beautiful hazel eyes shining with the light of faith and hope. She’d been gravely mistaken, of course. There would be no redemption for him. He had chosen his path.

And yet…There was something so wholly seductive about that light. Her hope. He couldn’t pull his eyes away from her. At the same time, he worried the sight of her would burn him to a crisp if he gazed too long. Like looking at a sun.

Why couldn’t he stop looking at her? Why couldn’t he escape her? He never seemed to sleep anymore, staying up all hours of the night, just thinking of her, imagining her touch and her smell. When he did sleep, he dreamed of her, never sure when he awoke if it had been real or imagined.

That night, the last time they had seen each other through the force bond, he had sat there and just watched her and listened to her, her curiosity of the dark side, her exploration of that cave. And when they had touched…it was like a thousand supernovas when their fingers had grazed one another. He had felt more of her than could be explained by just the contact of two fingertips.

He indulged himself as he sat there and let his eyes roam over her body as she slept. The plains of her face, usually so determined and forceful, were relaxed and vulnerable, the tiny line between her drawn eyebrows the only clue to her stubbornness. She’d changed her hair since the last time he’d been in her physical presence, choosing to tie the upper half of her dark hair behind her ears rather than the three knots that she’d previously favored. Did it have something to do with her training? Had Master Luke changed her somehow? The thought made him clench his fists protectively.

His gaze continued down her body, his breath hitching in his throat as his eyes snagged on the details—the gentle curve of her neck, the way it fed into her delicate collar bones. The single freckle hovering above the collar of her cream-colored tunic, which clung to her breasts. Stars, her breasts. He looked away, embarrassed, but his eyes were drawn back, helpless, as if they were caught in a tractor beam. Why was he embarrassed? It wasn’t like anyone was watching him. They were small, round, perfect, the nipples poking through the fabric of her tunic, desperate for relief. He remembered how her body had felt the first time he’d touched her as he’d carried her aboard his ship on Takodana—so light, so soft in his black-clad arms. He longed to touch her again, to reach out, stroke her from the hard line of her jaw, down the gentle curve of her neck, tracing the shape of her breast. But he didn’t. He knew it was wrong. 

It was curious, actually, this need to hold himself back. He turned that thought around in his mind—the thought that touching her without her knowledge, without her consent, was gravely wrong in a way that nothing had felt wrong to him in a long, long time. He wasn’t sure what to make of this emergence of conscience, a part of himself he had strangled and buried so long ago.

There was no harm in looking though. No harm in drinking in the sight of her. She’d gained muscle since Starkiller. Since she’d beat him in the snow. The memory still angered him, made him work his jaw back and forth. Her. A simple scavenger with no training had bested him, the grandson of Darth Vader. His master’s punishment had been brutal. Deep and drawn out and painful. He had been kept twitching at Snoke’s feet for hours, his screams eventually fading to silence as the pain had simply become a part of him.  
He had also gotten stronger since then. But while time and training had bulked him up, making his tall lanky form broader and more formidable, it made her seem more compact. More power crammed into the same tiny package, now draped inert over the dura-steel cot in her cell. Her core had become hard and graceful. He could see a strip of desert-tanned flesh between her tunic and trousers, her hip bones jutting ever so slightly out from her abdomen before her body arced into her long graceful legs. He thought about hooking his fingers into those trousers and pulling them downwards, caressing her skin, inhaling her scent…He was pathetic. A Sith didn’t think about these things, wasn’t distracted by desire.

But that’s not true, a voice spoke in his head, it’s the Jedi who shunned desire. The dark side welcomes it.

The storm troopers had wanted to put binders on her after he’d sent her into a deep sleep in the hangar bay, but he had waved them away, halting their movements with a simple glare. The simple-minded were so very easy to control. She wouldn’t need the binders in this cell, especially with him watching over her. He’d scooped her up, just like on Takadona, and carried her down the corridors of the star destroyer until he’d reached her room, and had been here ever since. It must have been hours. But he couldn’t tear his eyes away from her. Didn’t want to. Snoke didn’t have to know about the time he spent here before he took her to him.

There was something very unsettling about the feelings he experienced whenever he thought about her. The fire that spread throughout his body whenever he played back their battle on Starkiller Base. She had overtaken him with such power that night. He touched the scar on his face, so sensitive and raw ever since she had sliced through it with her lightsaber. His lightsaber. It had been his long before she had ever claimed it and left her mark on him. It had been a different pain than that which Snoke had given him shortly afterwards though. It felt…good, somehow. Made him feel more like himself. He’d kept the scar as a reminder.

“What are you doing?” she asked in her clear voice, accusing him with her stare. He jumped and averted his gaze away from her body, suddenly embarrassed at the attention he had been paying her. Her eyes had fluttered open and locked on him sitting there staring at her, his oversized frame hunched in the chair.

Rey was frightened, but she wouldn’t let the emotion cloud her thought. Her body was slightly stiff from the journey inside the escape pod and the time spent on the dura-steel cot. How long had she been here? She searched within herself, remembering her ejection from the falcon, landing in the star destroyer’s hangar, Kylo’s face visible through the glass of the pod. She’d felt elation flutter in her chest at the sight of him, despite the trepidation that had accompanied her ever since she’d left Ahch-To. This was the right decision. Wasn’t it?

He’d averted his eyes from her, embarrassed. Why was he embarrassed? Because she’d been asleep. Vulnerable. He’d put her in that sleep. She remembered now. As soon as the pod door had hissed open, he’d touched her forehead and everything had gone black. How dare he? She shot a glare at him, unafraid to look him directly in the eye. She didn’t want to admit how betrayed his actions made her feel. She knew who he was. Knew that he wouldn’t sway from his master so easily. But she had still trusted that her actions were right. And here she was. She knew she hadn’t been alone in her hut that night, knew that she wasn’t the only one who had felt the Force surge through her when their fingers touched.

She checked her surroundings quickly while she sat up on the cot, pulling her stiff legs into a crossed position and her body into the corner of the cot. All dura-steel. A cot, a chair, a toilet, and a sink. Minimalistic. Nothing like the warm earthiness of Ahch-To.  
Finally, she let herself fully study the man sitting before her. He was looking at her again with those sad, dark eyes, wary, unsure of how she would act. She could see the scar she’d given him in painful relief, stretching diagonally from his brow to his full lips. He could have healed it properly. The First Order certainly had the technology to completely erase the scar. But there it was, glaring at her. Why hadn’t he erased it?

“Am I your prisoner?” she finally asked him, her eyes and set jaw demanding he answer. She needed to know where she stood. How badly had she messed up by coming here?

He cast his gaze away. “You shouldn’t have come,” he replied in his low, soft voice. How could he sound so commanding and so regretful all at once?

“Ben…” she said her voice softening. Her voice saying his name startled him and made him ache in a deep place he had long forgotten. “I saw it. The force gave me a vision. If I came to you, you would turn. You would come back to the light. You don’t have to be this. You can choose to leave.”

There it was again. The hope in her eyes. That damn hope.

“The force showed me something too,” he replied, just as sure of himself as she was of herself, “It showed me you, joining me on the dark side.”

Her brow furrowed again, that line appearing between her eyebrows. Stars she was beautiful. Which of them was right? Could they both be right, somehow?

“That’s never going to happen,” she said matter-of-factly, squaring her shoulders at him.

“I’ve seen the darkness inside you,” he replied, leaning in close to her, “I’ve felt it. So familiar. I know you’re curious.” His voice had dropped to a low murmur and he’d leaned in so close that she could see the brown of his eyes looking up at her and feel his breath on her neck. She was frozen in place sitting on the bed, glued to that spot. His breath felt…nice on her neck. Nice?! Come on Rey. What was he doing? Leaning in this close with his distracting smell and his even more distracting eyes.

She would never turn to the dark side. She would never let that in. She knew that for certain. But still, there was something in his eyes that called to her. She’d never felt the feelings that she felt when he was close to her like this, looking at her with such need. She could feel his gaze tingling all over her skin and it made her shiver.

He was feeling so many unfamiliar things. A jagged heat rushing through his body from his heart to his head to his stomach and groin. He didn’t know what it was but he knew that he needed to explore it. Without thinking, he reached out and searched her mind.  
“Your master hasn’t taught you very much, has he?” he teased softly, causing her stomach to drop. “So much power and no idea how to use it,” he goaded.

“Get. Out!” She ordered him through gritted teeth. She felt him pull back a little at her exclamation before narrowing his eyes and barging in even deeper, searching, but not for anything specific, just rifling through her mind, exploring.

“Make me,” he taunted.

She stood up abruptly from the cot, hardly ruffling him, and pushed back with her own mind. To her horror, she found that she couldn’t close it to him.

The force bond, she thought. They were both open and helpless to each other, vulnerable to probing exploration, defenseless against onslaught.

Rey shot back hard, ramming her way into Kylo’s mind in retaliation for his intrusion into hers. He should have known better, after the last time. He gasped as she flipped through his thoughts and feelings and memories. She saw herself through his eyes, the way he had been watching her, imagining her glow with the light side of the force. The way he’d felt when he’d carried her body from the hangar bay. He stumbled out of the chair and backed away from her as she continued her exploration, now unable to reign in her curiosity. She saw a man turn his back and walk inside the Millenium Falcon as the door closed. Han Solo. Again and again she saw the door close and his father leave him behind. She saw Master Luke standing over him with the green light saber, ready to strike. She saw him after the fight on Starkiller base, curled in a fetal position and sobbing in the corner of a black metal room, pressing into the wound on his face with shaking fingers, pouring his heart into anger and hate and pain to avoid his feelings of weakness and failure, loss and guilt.

She drew back. Suddenly guilty for intruding on such a private memory.

“I—I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—You shouldn’t have done that!”

He turned away from her, enraged that she had seen something so intimate. He could feel her gaze burning against his neck and it made him even angrier. He was infuriated that she’d beat him at his own game, especially as it had been his own lack of control that had led to her exploitation of the force bond. Who did she think she was?

“If it hurt so bad then why did you kill him?” She asked quietly. She hadn’t just seen the memory, but felt his pain. A tear leaked out of her eye and slid quietly down her face. His mind was a frightening landscape of jagged darkness, fear, pain, lonliness, anger…so much anger.

It wasn’t all she’d felt from him. She’d felt his palpable desire for her. It almost outweighed the anger and loneliness that he’d woven into his heart. The way his body felt as he’d carefully carried her to this room and laid her down on the cot. The heat inside of him when he thought of her in the middle of the night, glowing like a star on top him…It made her flush to see herself that way through his eyes.

“I told you why,” he said through barely controlled rage, his voice shaking with the effort. If he was going to succeed at this, convince her to join him, he’d have to keep himself from lashing out and scaring her away. He took a deep breath. “If you want to move forward, you had to let the past die. Kill it if you have to.”

It was all so very…human. She felt a wave of pity overtake her. She understood loneliness. Understood disappointment and abandonment. Before Finn, no one had ever shown her an ounce of loyalty or caring. And here he was, feeling utterly failed by both of his parents, his own failures weighing heavy on him, and Luke, who was supposed to have mentored and cared for him, had almost killed him in his sleep.

“Don’t you dare,” he said, his back still turned to her, “Don’t you dare feel sorry for me.” He could feel the pity rolling off of her in waves and it made him feel sick and weak. He was not that person. He had murdered Ben Solo to become Kylo Ren and hadn’t ever looked back.

“Luke told me what happened,” she said quietly, her voice was low and carried across the small room, her pity still stinging him like electricity. “I confronted him. I almost…” she didn’t want to say it, so she sent the image to him. He started at this reversal of the mental probing but accepted the transmission. He saw her own barely controlled anger as she lashed out at Luke, for him. She’d nearly cut off his good hand. He turned to her slowly, unable to hide the vulnerable pleasure he took at the thought of her avenging him as he felt the corners of his mouth twitch, the softening of his eyes.

“He admitted it,” she continued, her chin tilted up in defiance. “Why do you think he’s kept himself hidden away for so long? He sees it as his greatest failure.”

“As he should,” Kylo scowled.

Rey took a step towards him. “Ben…” There it was again. His old name. It made him flare up in anger, the quiet pleasure he’d taken only a moment ago completely obliterated. He crossed the room in two long strides, quickly erasing the distance between them with his long legs. He put his hands against the wall on either side of her head, effectively pinning her without using any actual force.  
“That’s not my name,” he snarled, looking down into her eyes. Being this close to her was a new experience entirely. They’d been close on Star Killer of course, but that had been different. The heat of their battle juxtaposed against the falling snow, the jagged red of his lightsaber clashing against the clean blue of hers. He’d never had a moment to take her in like this, breath the same air she breathed in the stillness. It made him feel powerful to stand over her like this. If they were to use the Force, who knew what would happen. He wasn’t stupid enough to think that he could easily overtake her in a clean fight after she had so clearly beaten him before. But physically, she was no match for him. Between his arms like this, all he could do was imagine enveloping her with his own body, pushing her against the wall, kissing her, touching her until she was as helpless in her desire for him as he was overtaken by his hunger for her.

She stood there between his long muscular arms trembling, truly frightened for the first time. What in the world was she doing here? What would happen to her? Could she trust this man? He was standing uncomfortably close to her, looking down at her with that hunger in his eyes. He was much taller than her when they were so close together. 

Being this close to her was intoxicating. He felt his anger abate, transformed into something else entirely. He wanted so badly to teach her, to bring her to his side. Alone, he was powerful. Together, they would be unstoppable.

“Let me teach you the ways of the Force,” he said huskily. She could sense an undercurrent that practically made it a plea. “You have no idea the power you could have.” 

“No, Ben. You know I won’t,” she said, closing her eyes. Her defiant use of his name just made him move in closer. She was finding it difficult to look at him just then. His closeness to her was doing strange things to her body. Perhaps she was feeling the aftereffects of probing his mind. He had been so full of dark emotion, and at the forefront of that had been his desire for her. She’d never had these feelings before, but she could feel the heat radiating off his body now. And he smelled…distracting. His scent was spicy and musky and she couldn’t help but let it fill her world up, even with her eyes closed.

“There’s so much I can show you,” he breathed. He’d leaned in even closer so that his breath played against her ear, making the tiny hairs all over her body stand up and shiver. “There’s so much I can give you,” he continued. Give her? What did he mean by that? The ways in which her body was currently betraying her with him pinning her to the wall like that was clouding her mind, replacing logical thought with pure want. What could he give her? Was this just more of his talk about power?

“No. Not power,” he replied. Son of a bitch! She thought. He’d hacked her mind again. He chuckled softly. Actually chuckled, the overconfident bastard. He could feel the desire welling within her mind and body and it elated him. The knowledge that she felt it too. The power between them. The connection. He lowered his head to her neck, his lips a single breath away. “Let me show you,” he said. He longed to draw on that power between them, to shape it with his hands, his mouth, to create something new with it. Even more, he wanted her longing to match his own. He wanted to teach her, to explore the ways of the Force with her, through her. He wanted her to want that too.

Her heart skipped a beat as she felt what he felt, felt him kiss her neck softly. And then he did it again. And again. Trailing kisses along her collar bone so that chills ran rapidly up and down her back. She froze, afraid to move, to react. She had no idea what she was feeling.

He felt her freeze but she didn’t tell him to stop so he continued the sensual exploration. He needed more. So much more. He found himself wondering what was beneath the tunic. All the different parts of her that he could kiss. He lifted one of his hands from the wall and trailed the fingers gently down her neck, just as he’d imagined doing as she’d slept. She shivered. He lifted his lips to her ear.

“You’re trembling,” he said, “Are you frightened?”

“I’m not frightened,” she replied, trying at defiance but her shaky voice giving her away. She wasn’t frightened. Was she? Frightened of what? Of the way he was making her feel, of how badly she suddenly wanted something she knew she shouldn't. This was Kylo Ren, she reminded herself, but her body wouldn't listen.

He pressed his lips against her ear and nibbled lightly. She let out a startled moan and then stifled it by biting her lip, trying and failing to hide her growing desire. The sound drove him crazy. He had made that sound happen. She was so physically sensitive, reacting to the lightest of touches. He continued to kiss her ear and caress her neck with the hand that wasn’t resting on the wall. Her breathing grew ragged, though he could tell she was trying to suppress the reaction after the moan that she had just let escape. He looked at her face and it almost drove him over the edge. Her eyes were closed and she was biting her lip, breathing heavily.  
Her body was betraying her. The encounter had taken an entirely unexpected turn. This was not why she had come here. Was it? She wanted to save the galaxy, knew that turning Kylo Ren to the light side was the best way to do that. She could feel the light inside him, though he’d buried it deep inside. She knew how he felt. Knew the loneliness. Knew the feeling of betrayal. She had been abandoned too. But now he was kissing her and she was having a hard time holding onto those goals as she tried desperately to control her visceral responses to his ministrations. Even worse, she was having a hard time denying the fact that somewhere deep down, she’d wanted this too. Their conversations through the force bond had…changed her opinion of him. She hated herself for it, had dismissed it as nothing more than fantasy, but she ultimately couldn’t deny to herself that she had laid awake at night exploring those fantasies more than once or twice, the forbidden nature of her fantasy making it all the more intoxicating.

Her back was arching, lengthening and presenting her perfect neck to him, her shoulders arced back so that her breasts pushed into the air, her hips lifting off the wall and closer to him. She opened her eyes and looked at him and their minds melded. He could feel the want coming off of her in powerful waves, saw her laying in her hut in Ahch-To thinking of him as she explored her body. The fleeting images and feelings coming from her mind made him want to ravage her. He moaned, deep and ragged from his throat, and took a step closer to her so that their bodies were almost touching, a mere centimeter between them. He wanted to kiss her so fucking bad. But he didn’t. He brought his lips down to her, hovering right next to hers, close enough to feel her breath.

“I feel it too,” he whispered.

She knew that. She could feel his feelings and they made her dizzy. The desire coming off of him was heady, intoxicating. Before she knew what she was doing she was kissing him and he was growling in triumph, pushing his body completely up against hers so that she was well and truly trapped between him and the wall. He opened her mouth with his lips and his tongue started doing something amazing and before she knew it hers was reciprocating. He took his other hand off the wall and dragged them both down her torso from her armpits down to her hips, trailing heat everywhere he touched, and then he was grabbing her ass with both of his hands and pulling her hips up into him. He could hardly stand the feeling of her body pressed against his. Her breasts pushing into his chest, her groin against his. She gasped when she felt the hardness there. She knew what it was, had heard stories, but she had never, never, been this close with a man. Had never even kissed a boy. And her body was singing, electricity shooting everywhere, the lightning spreading from her groin to every corner of her being and saying more, more. Without thinking, she thrust her hips against his, rubbing herself against the stiffness straining his pants with the assistance of his hands on her ass. A low moan with a hint of a whine in it escaped his mouth.

“Rey, please…” he said desperately, his hands continuing their frantic exploration of her hips and ass. Please what? Stars, he was begging her for something and the power she held over him in that moment made her feel lightheaded. She bit his lip lightly and he whimpered. His hands were hooking into the waist of her pants, his fingers brushing against her lower stomach as he tried to move her damn trousers out of the way.

A huge part of her internal self screamed for him to continue, to tear off her clothes and…and…and what came next? Stars, she had no idea how this worked, all she wanted, needed, was for him to keep touching her more and the thought terrified her and before she knew it she shot out with the Force and pushed Kylo clear across the room with her mind until he hit the opposite wall with a harsh crunch.

She winced when he hit. She could feel his pain echo in her own body. She didn’t say sorry though and he didn’t expect it of her. They stood that way for a moment, looking at each other. His lips even redder than before, the bottom one swollen where she’d bitten him. Finally, he broke the silence.

“Me too,” he said softly. She cocked her head and drew her eyebrows together in a question. He looked at her, exasperated, not wanting to say it. “I’ve never…” he looked down at her body pointedly and she understood. They were both virgins. She blushed and looked away and he was glad for that, because he hadn’t wanted to admit it either. But he was also glad he wasn’t alone in his inexperience. The fact that she was a virgin just made him that much more curious, though. He wanted to explore her even more than he had before.

There was an awkward silence, the moment broken. What did they say after that? Both of their bodies were still singing with arousal and they knew it, could feel the other’s feelings echo within their own bodies after the physical contact, but their embrace was broken now and they were both afraid to move back to the other. They looked at each other.

“Why did you come?” he finally asked her, beseeching. She let the air out of her lungs in a wuff and sagged back onto the cot, suddenly weary.

“Isn’t it obvious?” she replied, “You could be the galaxy’s last hope.”

She thought far too highly of him. He looked at her with disbelief. She was stubborn though and wouldn’t give up on her point.

“Look at what the First Order has done!” she demanded, “Can you really stand there and tell me that’s a galaxy you want to live in? One full of fear and fire?”

The color was rising high up in her cheeks and she had this fierce look in her eyes that made his pulse thrum. How could he have thought her so beautiful as she slept when she was so full of fire like this?

“Why not?” he replied, crossing his arms in front of him as he leaned against the wall behind him, “It’s the galaxy I do live in.”

“That is the most selfish thing I have ever heard.”

She was so matter of fact in the way she said it. There was no malice or pity, she was just stating a fact, and it pissed him off. She could feel the irritation waving off of him and she raised her chin in defiance, daring him to prove her wrong.

“Give up the Bantha poodoo, Ren.” She said his name with a lot more malice than the swear (which was actually adorable), apparently meaning it as an insult. He brushed it off like so much dust. So she didn’t want to keep trying with the ‘Ben’ crap. He was fine with that.

“And what’s the Resistance’s plan? The Jedis? Mm? The galaxy needs order, Rey. Why do you think we have the First Order? The Rebellion may have kicked the Empire in the knees, but they certainly didn’t have a plan to replace them, did they?”

She couldn’t stand it, his smug assurance. She shot up and stalked the few steps over to him and stood there with her hands on her hips, glaring up into his stupid face. “You are so full of it, you know that? What, you’re a Skywalker so you get to decide what’s best for the galaxy? You have the right to murder millions of people, enslave armies of storm troopers?” And then she slapped him and that’s what really caught him off guard. It was so banal and petty. They’d hurt each other far worse than that and they each had the scars to prove it, but somehow the closeness, the haughtiness with which she’d whipped her hand across his face, made him stop short. 

He felt white fire flare through his body as she reached back to do it again. This time he caught her wrist and pulled her in close, anger and lust warring for dominance inside his head. They stood there like that, staring each other down, his hand locked tight around her wrist, both of them breathing heavily. The contact sent electricity into his skin again. She had so much of that familiar, delicious anger in her. Anger at him, anger at this. And he could work with that. This was how he could bring her to the dark side. She was glaring at him with this righteous rage and he just looked down at her fondly, her unstoked, unpoisoned, uncomplicated rage so familiar and so pure.

But then he saw the disgust behind her eyes and he faltered. He felt eels in his stomach so he let go of her wrist. It was shame. She was making him feel shame, which wasn’t fair.

“I had nothing to do with the Hosnian System,” he heard himself say before he could stop the words from tumbling out of his mouth and now he was embarrassed because he was justifying himself to her which was not how he had planned this. He didn’t need her approval. He didn’t. But it did make her falter. She probed his mind gently, nothing like the onslaught from before. He knew she was just looking for the truth so he let her in without a fight until she found it. It made her falter when she found out he was telling the truth, a small victory, but she steeled herself again immediately.

“That doesn’t make you innocent,” she finally spat.

“I wasn’t pretending to be innocent,” he said, doing that thing again where he leaned down and said it softly into her ear, which drove her crazy, sending electric butterflies swarming across her entire body until she shivered. She retreated a hasty step backwards. Murderer. Sith. Dangerous, she reminded herself. Clearly, she couldn’t trust her body to follow logic when she was so close to Kylo Ren.

She took a deep steadying breath, now a safe distance away. He actually looked amused, watching her. Her temper flared again.  
“Haven’t you ever wondered? Wondered who you could be without Snoke? You have the choice, Ben. You control your own destiny and only you. You can leave Snoke, leave the First Order.” She risked stepping closer to him here and looked up into his dark eyes. “I’ll help you,” she said softly, and she meant it. He knew she meant it and it terrified him. 

There was this certainty between them. Without thinking. Without considering his actions in the least bit, he lifted his hand to her chin, gently tilting her head up, and kissed her again. But this time was different than the last time. That was hunger and blind lust, but this was softer, more vulnerable. She kissed him back without hesitation and they moved into each others’ arms. Her hands rested gently against his chest as she leaned into it, stepping up on tiptoe so that she could reach his mouth. His arms wrapped around her, his larger frame enveloping her. They felt like they could stay this way forever.

And then he felt Snoke in his mind, a dark perversion slithering into the corners of his mind like black smoke. He was being summoned, ordered to bring Rey to his master, and it poisoned the moment utterly. 

He pulled away from the embrace, snarling. She jumped, frightened again, and this time he loathed himself for scaring her that way. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair. The moment of peace had been beautiful, touching something deep inside of him that he’d forgotten.

“It’s time.”

She knew what he meant, could feel his thoughts, knew it was Snoke. Her eyes widened looking up at him, but she wasn’t afraid, not anymore. That little line had appeared between her eyebrows again and he couldn’t stand her determination because he knew how easily Snoke would break her. Knew what that felt like. Would it be easier with her than it was with him? How long would she last? The longer she held out, the worse it would feel. How long before the hope and light was broken and left shattered at his feet? 

He’d given everything to the dark side, to Snoke, to the First Order, to Kylo Ren. He’s taken apart every piece of himself and torn it into even more pieces, finally reassembling his mind into something new, something darker and far more powerful than he ever was while training to be a Jedi. And yet, in this moment, thinking about the things that Snoke was about to do to Rey…he wanted to grab her hand and run to his transport and blast out of this damned ship before anyone even knew he was gone.

But only for a moment.

“Come on,” he finally growled, turning away from her.


	2. Desire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren lay on a bed before her, and, oh kriffing stars he was completely naked and stroking himself slowly. Her eyes widened, but she didn’t look away, didn’t try and direct the dream elsewhere. His eyes were closed anyway, he couldn’t see her…why not enjoy the scene?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've got a bit of a time jump here. Also this chapter's a bit shorter but way smuttier ;) Enjoy!

The dream was always the same. He was reaching out his hand to her in the throne room, for a moment unsure what she would do, filled with terror that she would reject him but at the same time, just a glimmer of hope that she would understand, that she would want him the same way he wanted her. 

Please. Please Rey, come with me. 

And then, of course, it happened the same way every time. At the last minute, she would turn on him, her hand hovering over his, but a shutter falling over her eyes the instant before she betrayed him, before she pulled the saber away from him with her power and they became locked in the explosive stalemate.

He awoke panting and sweating, shot out of his bed and roared until his voice was hoarse. How many more nights could he do this? How many nights could he relive that moment?

He had been Supreme Leader for six months. Supposedly, the Resistance had been quelled, all but a limping dozen rebels destroyed. It should have felt like victory but he knew it wasn’t. Rey had cut him off, disappearing into that damn ship. How many times had he seen the door to the Falcon close on him? He closed his eyes and reached out with the force, tentatively at first, then more viciously, his mind jaggedly tearing through the galaxy, searching, searching…Where was she? He could feel her out there, somewhere, but he couldn’t narrow it down. She’d successfully shut him out.

He opened his eyes, looking around wildly for something to destroy. It was no use—the place was sparsely furnished for a reason. If there was nothing there, he couldn’t destroy anything. He angrily got dressed, grabbed his saber, and stalked out of his chambers to spend the remainder of his rest period destroying training droids.

 

***

 

She tried not to dream of him. She really did. But she couldn’t help it. She had cut him off with her mind, firmly and cleanly, but sleeping meant everything she’d been repressing came right back to haunt her. She relived that night over and over, the way he had pleaded with her, his lips trembling, his eyes wide and terrified and hopeful. But he had been wrong—what he had wanted from her, she couldn’t give him. She would never give up on her friends, could never have sacrificed the fleet. But that didn’t make it any easier to hurt him. 

She had felt his feelings as she recovered from Snoke’s torture, a mangled heap on that throne room floor. That pain had been unimaginable. Snoke had turned her inside out, had singled out every single one of her cells and set them each on fire individually while he laid her mind bare, picking through it until he had everything he wanted. Kylo Ren had looked at her, jaw working, emotions raging behind his eyes as she recovered from the pain. He had given everything to Snoke, yet somehow watching him hurt her had been the last straw.

She had known his mind, known the resolve that he’d reached, that he would kill his master for her. But when it came down to it, when it came down to that final moment, she hadn’t had a choice. The bastard hadn’t given her one, not really. Come with me, but watch all of your friends die? Watch Finn die? The only person who had ever come back for her? No. Unacceptable.

She didn’t regret that decision. Not for a moment. She was building the Resistance back up. They were small, but they were strong, and they were family.

But what she dreamed of, every damn night, was the way that his eyes had transformed the moment she made her decision. The way his fear had solidified into something hard and ugly, the moment the hope had disappeared and been replaced with anger. Every night, she woke up feeling the loss acutely. She had been so close to getting him to abandon the dark. She had felt the light in him. And she had felt him extinguish it in that moment.

She sighed. Getting back to sleep was useless at this point. She picked up her new saber and left her quarters to get some training in.

 

***

 

She was tired. Tired in her bones. She hadn’t had a proper night’s sleep in six months and the strain was beginning to show. Around midday, the general pulled her aside, concern in her eyes.

“Rey, I’m worried about you,” intoned Leia, “I know how hard you’ve been working, but you know you’re not much use to anybody if you don’t get some sleep.”

“I’m fine. Honestly! Just worried. How is recruitment going? Has Poe returned from Bespin yet?”

“He isn’t due back for a few more rotations,” she said slowly, clearly not buying Rey’s deflection, “Rey, take a day off. That’s an order.”  
There was no use fighting with Leia Organa when she had her mind made up about something. Before Rey could think of a retort, the general was walking away, throwing more orders around in that easy way she had. 

Rey sighed, but did as she was told. She packed up some rations, some water, and a bedroll and set off into the forest to find a good place to meditate. She could “rest” and train at the same time.

 

***

 

Leia was right of course—honestly, was she ever wrong? Rey was exhausted. It took her ages to settle into her meditation. Every time she got close to relaxing into it, there was a roadblock in her mind that would trip her up. She set to attacking the roadblock, eventually beginning to tear at it viciously when it wouldn’t move. When she finally figured out what it was though, she stopped short.

It was the door she’d closed between her and Kylo Ren. The very thing she had used to shut him out of her mind was what was holding her back now. When she finally figured it out she laughed, but it wasn’t long before the laugh turned into tears of frustration. What the kriff was she supposed to do with this? Let him back in? Let him wreak havoc on her mind, her life?

It wasn't about him though, of course it wasn't. She couldn't help lead the Resistance working at half power. And she certainly wasn't afraid of him. Not in the strictest sense anyway...She didn't fear him; She feared her feelings for him. The Jedi texts encouraged detachment from such emotions. Fear, anger, even love. Not that she LOVED him...But she didn't seem able to control herself around him, if their last meeting had taught her anything. She had to face up to the fact that her desire to bring him to the light side, to help him find peace and save the galaxy, came right alongside her desire to explore the feelings he ignited within her. Those feelings, the deep animal want she felt when she was near him despite the fact that she knew she shouldn't, couldn't, want him that way, the way he made her body betray her, that scared her.

She couldn't let desire cloud her purpose, though. She breathed deeply, found the inner core of herself, prayed for peace, and opened the door back up. And…nothing happened.

She didn’t know what she’d expected. Had she expected him to be waiting there, just on the other side of that door, ready to burst in at the first sign of weakness? She let out the breath that she hadn’t known she was holding, and let her mind relax and open up. She stayed that way in meditation for hours before she got up, stretched, and worked through a slow, controlled routine with her double-sided saber. She loved the balance of her newly designed weapon. She was able to work with it the way she had always been comfortable with her staff back on Jakku. She let the work relax her and when she was done, she bedded down, hopeful for an actual night’s rest.

 

***

 

She wasn’t in the throne room this time. Oh Maker bless everything, she was truly freed from that hellish dream cycle. But still…there was something about the setting that made her uneasy. Shiny black walls, harsh angles, white and red light…she did a slow turn and gasped.

Kylo Ren lay on a bed before her, and, oh kriffing stars he was completely naked and stroking himself slowly. Her eyes widened, but she didn’t look away, didn’t try and direct the dream elsewhere. His eyes were closed anyway, he couldn’t see her…why not enjoy the scene? She bit her lip as she let her eyes roam up and down his long, muscular body. Cool, smooth, pale skin, with just the slightest rosy flush and the lightest sheen of sweat. Big, hard muscles. Broad shoulders, broad chest, hard muscular stomach tapering downwards to…well she’d never seen one of those before. Were they always that big? She knew his hands were big, she’d held his hands and they’d dwarfed her own. She’d felt them on her body before, on her hips, her ass, her neck, but his member filled up his right hand in a way that made it seem far too big.

Up and down he stroked it slowly, slowly. Oh stars, this was too much. She bit her lip and shifted her weight a little, uncomfortable but completely unable to look away, especially as the heat built up inside her, becoming an unbearable encumbrance inside her. She was getting wet, but she stayed still watching him, hands frozen at her sides. What was he thinking about? His eyes fluttered delicately under his eyelids, dark lashes twitching along the delicate skin, a fierce concentration strengthening his otherwise soft features. Was he thinking about her? He sped up his pace and, she couldn’t help it, the quietest of whimpers escaped her lips.

His eyes shot open and he looked at her, shock written into every line of him as he froze at the sight of her, hand still wrapped around his cock. A hot anger grew in his eyes, leftover from her erstwhile betrayal of him. Now he was vulnerable before her once again and for once, he was the captive, not her. He locked her eyes in his, and started stroking himself again, challenging her.

Kylo couldn’t believe she was here. And he knew she was, that the force bond was back. It was almost as if he had willed her here. He hadn’t touched himself in so long, but that night as he lay in bed, his entire body had grown hot with desire. He hadn’t been able to stop thinking of Rey. He’d fantasized about capturing her in battle and locking her up, binding her hands above her head as he tortured her with pleasure, never letting her climax. Then he’d fantasized about her besting him, pinning him with the force, and riding him until he begged her for deliverance. He kept vacillating between the two fantasies, not sure which one he wanted more and not particularly caring.

And now she watched him, frozen by the sight of him, desire written bare into the planes of her face as he lay there touching himself, too deep in his own desire to feel shame at his nakedness.

What was she to do to here? He seemed to be challenging her with his eye contact, brazenly sliding his right hand up and down while he stretched his left hand behind his head. Should she leave? Should she join? She moved her hands tentatively to her own body.

“Don’t,” he ordered, “Don’t you dare touch yourself. Stay right there.”

She did as he said. Her compliance made him moan, helpless again, his delicate strokes becoming more urgent.

“Do you like what you see, Rey?” She didn’t answer him. But she did like it. The quivering in her own loins was unbearable, wetness spreading and dripping down her thighs. She was an intruder here, unwelcome in First Order territory, uninvited to his chamber. The way he looked laying before her, lower back arching slightly, helpless before her, nearly drove her over the edge even without physical stimulus. She locked her hands behind her back to keep herself from losing control and touching herself. She wouldn’t break. She wouldn’t blink.

He watched her lock her hands at the small of her back, the way it pushed her perfect breasts upwards. The eroticism of her having to trap herself to comply with his order, to keep herself from touching herself at the sight of him, it nearly sent him over the edge there and then. Who was the captive here? Who had the power? She stood over him, fully clothed, while he lay on his back, stark nude. And yet she didn’t leave, didn’t turn away in disgust or disappointment. In fact, she couldn’t look away, was breathless, standing there watching him.

He was becoming breathless himself, his long neck flushing almost as pink as the cock he held in his hand. “You called me a monster once,” he said in a strained voice, “Am I a monster now?” Her heart was skipping every other beat, her entire torso tingling with want. She shook her head. 

“No,” she said hoarsely, unable to keep the tremble out of her voice, “I don’t think you’re a monster.”

He was everything she desired, everything she had denied herself for the past six months. Her knees were weak but she stayed right where she was. She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction, wouldn’t let him break her with desire.

She’d denied him before but now she stood here, helpless and whimpering at the sight of him naked, hands locked behind her back.

Her eyes widened as he reached his climax. His hips twitched up and down and he let out a guttural moan as he finished, rope after rope of hot white fluid painting his stomach. She couldn’t believe what she was seeing as he exploded all over himself. Was this how it always was? Stars, men were messy. He’d closed his eyes briefly as he lost himself in the ecstasy, but he opened them again, looking up at her, vulnerable again, as he slowly and gently stroked himself a few more times.

They were both speechless for a moment, him spent and messy on the bed, her tense and hungry standing above him.

“Are you…ok?” she asked. Oh maker, that was a stupid thing to ask.

He looked at her curiously, unable to keep from smiling a little. Was she referring to the fact that she had abandoned him months ago? Or was she referring to the galaxy-shattering orgasm she had just witnessed? Before he could think of something to say back to her, he heard a knock on his door.

“Supreme Leader, Admiral Hux is calling an emergency meeting—,” said a voice at his door. He looked over irritably, and when he glanced back, Rey had disappeared.

**Author's Note:**

> This is literally my first fanfic EVER, so please let me know if you enjoyed it! Be nice though, I'm a fragile little baby writer. I might write a second chapter, because let's face it, this pairing is hottttt.


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